My life took a radical turn two weeks ago as I endured grueling total knee replacement surgery. Oft I've heard that in the valley one produces the best fruit, but I was less than enthusiastic to find out if this be true.

As I made my preparations, I prayed and prayed some more. I secured prayer warriors from around the globe who would pray with me and for me. I packed, prepared and prayed some more.

I prayed, 'LORD, I trust You to take care of me. I pray You will be with me and protect me, guide the surgeon... Your will be done...' - but, in my mind I could hear, 'but what if' this happens or that happens? I had faith, but what if...

Then it dawned on me, a light went on, I was not praying in faith, I was praying in doubt. I had the faith to believe until the "what ifs" came rushing in accompanied by a huge lack of trust and perhaps a bit of fear.

What if the what if happened? Would that mean God loved me less, that He had not heard my prayer or that His will did not include His best for me?

Psalm 2:12 says: "Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him."

I came to realize; IF I truly trust Him, does it really matter what happens to me? I could believe I was safe in His arms no matter what surrounded me or choose to live in the 'what ifs'. The choice was mine and mine alone to make.

Psalm 138:8 says: "The LORD will perfect that which concerns me: your mercy, O LORD, endures forever..."

My favorite scripture is a good reminder that the walk of a child of God is a walk of faith and trust and love:

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, And there be no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive should fail, And the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold, And there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation..." Habakkuk 3

If the "what ifs"  did not matter to Habakkuk or to King David why should they matter to me? Why should my faith be any less than theirs? This 'revelation' has freed me to praise Him, to trust Him; thanking Him for all that is in my life, loving Him as my Father, allowing Him to love me as His child.

It will be two weeks on 1 November since the surgery and it can truthfully be said "it has not been easy', but I did plant a fruit tree along the way.